she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize