He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
