exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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