fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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