If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize