Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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