Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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