I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
