Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Even the bartender felt bad for me
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
