I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
