who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
