My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
A bitchslap is in order.
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