Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my sisters under your porch take her home
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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