she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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