I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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