i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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