The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
two words: eviction party
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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