nut hugger
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
