Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
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