Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
