Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
