i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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