Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
