I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
