dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
