Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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