no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
