Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
