i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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