dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
