I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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