Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
