Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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