pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
