so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So many bounce houses so little time
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
