i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
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