***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
