____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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