he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
