I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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