saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
