i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
