I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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