I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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