I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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