you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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