Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
