We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm so fucking centered right now
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
