Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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