I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
