Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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