Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
