Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
