I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
