I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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