He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
