You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You were trust falling into bushes
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
