We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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