You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize