he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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