did you get engaged???
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
