so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
