Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
