My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
only if we run a train.
done.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
