Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
