god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I got inside last night via doggy door
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
