If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
