i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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