Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
