I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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