I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
