I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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